Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Everyone read this post!!!@@##!!

Here's a nice little story for everyone.


Lost Keys (Blame Hofmann)

Maynard whimpering in the background, starts around 1:41

1:50-EKG monitor kicks in

2:00 Hospital fades in

Nurse:Excuse me, doctor, if you have a moment?
Doctor: A moment? Whats the question?
Nurse: More of a situation, a gentleman in exam 3.
Doctor: What's the problem?
Nurse: That is the problem, Were not sure.
Doctor: You've got the Chart?
Nurse: Right Here.
Doctor: hmmmm.. Not much here, is there?
Nurse: No doctor, no obvious physical trauma, mmm vitals are stable.
Doctor: Name?
Nurse: No sir.
Doctor: Did someone drop him off, maybe we can speak to them? Lets get some background on this fellow.
Nurse: No ID, nothing, and he wont speak to anybody.
Doctor: Well then, lets say hello.

Doctor: Good morning, I'm Dr. Watson. How are you today? How, Are you today? Look son, you're in a safe place, we want to help you, in any whatever way we can. But you need to talk us, we can't help you otherwise. Now, what's happened? Tell me everything.

Rosetta Stoned

Alrighty then
Picture this if you will

10 to 2am and actually eating up the ya'know box of krispy kremes at my need-to-know post just outside area 51 contemplating the whole "chosen people" thing but just then a flaming steel banana split the skylight but wide open never expect to see at a place like this...
it put us on a diamond-something right on my birkenstocks and he
holy fucking shit, holy fucking shit, holy fucking shit, holy fucking shit, holy fucking shit, holy fucking shit, holy fucking shit

Then the x-files -- he aimed to it -- it was some kind of blue-green jerky shit with isabella rossellini lips and breath that reeked
and they woodchip shot terrorists while making the sound abananadabanana that's when I opened up my bug eyes, my gaping jaw and my sweaty over and upper and upper lip and all I could think was I hope uncle parker doesn't notice that I pissed my fuckin pants.

So lions wait
like an apperition he had me cryin out
fuck me
gotta be a deadhead chemistry
the bottle droppers on top of me
got me seein E motherfucking T

And after calming me down with some orange slices and some fetal spooning the ET revealed to me his singular purpose, he said:
"You are the chosen one. The one who will deliver the message. A message of hope for those who choose to hear it and a warning for those who do not."

Me, the chosen one.
They chose me, and I didn't graduate from fucking high school.

You'd better...
You'd better...
You'd better...
You'd better listen.

Then ya looked right through me
With somniferous almond eyes
Don't even know what that means
Must remember to write it down

This is surreal
Like the time they floated away
See my heart is pounding
'cause this shit never happens to me

Can't breathe right now.

It was so real,
Like I woke up in Wonderland.
Awesome and terrifying
And I wanna be all alone
while I tell you a story
and can anyone tell me why?
(all of a sudden the Peanuts' parents)
Will I ever be coming down?

This is so real
finally it's my lucky day
see my heart is racing
'cause this shit never happens to me

I can't breathe right now.

You believe me don't you?
Please believe what I just said.
See they're telling children
And this wasn't all in my head.
See they took the other hand.
And invited me right in
Then they showed me something.
I don't even know where to begin.

Strapped down on my bed
Feet cold and eyes red
I'm out my head
Am I alive? Am I dead?
Can't remember what they said
God damn, shit the bed

Overwhelmed as one would be, placed in my position
such a heavy burden now to be the One
Born to bear and read to all the details of our ending
to write it down for all the world to see
but I forgot my pen
shit the bed again

Strapped down to my bed
Feet cold and eyes red
I'm out of my head
Am my alive? Am my dead?
Sunkist and sudafed
Gyroscopes and infrared
Won't help the braindead
Can't remember what they said
Goddamn, shit the bed

I can't remember what they said to me
Can’t remember what they said to make me out to be a hero
Can't remember what they said

bah, help me
can't remember what he said

Don't know
Won't know
Don't know
Won't know

God damn
Shit the bed


I hope everyone enjoyed that.

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